Herewith, A Tribute To The Color Green!
The highly beloved color of frogs, Ireland, and money.
What a resume.
St. Patrick’s Day is a great time to remember how the color of green has influenced our lives.
First of all, let’s face it, people look good in green. Look at Washington, Lincoln and Grant, they all look good in green.
And are you aware of the fertility power of green? It’s magical.
That’s why magic beans are green. We all know how fast and tall they grow and multiply, we’ve seen the pictures.
All Enchanted Frogs are green. They have great power in their skin, that’s because it’s green. This is common knowledge.
Dragons breathe fire and are really scary because they’re green.
Also there are real green-eyed monsters. Now they can be very nasty. They want everything they see, or they will give you the evil eye. Goblins, trolls, and even gremlins tend to be green. (I know, I drove one once. It was green.)
Goo tends to be green, snot too, and puke. Kids love these words. They’re magical. You could say puke twenty times in a row and kids will still laugh. It has great power, it’s green.
Lots of people these days would kill to get a green card. They want to stay here. They’re aliens. There are other kinds of aliens that are known as “little green men,” you know, the ones with the spaceships and lights that scare people to death. We’ve seen the movies, so we know this to be true. Some witches are green and have great power, unless of course a house falls on them. Lots of superheroes are intimately related to green. Some have green skin, rings, masks and arrows. Popeye eats spinach because it gives him great strength. It’s green. That’s why nutritionists tell us to eat lots of green leafy vegetables so we can get out of bed in the morning, some even taste good, but some don’t.
On the flip side, Kryptonite can harm Superman.
It’s green. See, green is very powerful and should not be taken for granted.
A lot of people think they have a great power to make things grow.
It’s called a green thumb. Most of the time it’s really Miracle-Gro (but it comes in a greenish box, and the manufacturers probably don’t mind if you take credit). Sometimes they grow these plants in a greenhouse. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side, but generally not. Christmas trees are green as well as some of Santa’s elves. Look at their magical ability to know what we want for Christmas. It’s in the green baby.
And we all love the green, green grass of home. We all know that green tea is good for us. We love green lights. We don’t love red lights, and yellow lights are as good as green lights.
Greenland is a nice place to visit, so is Greensboro, Green Bay, and Bowling Green.
Some people think there is a “greenhouse effect.” But the arguments over things like this create much more hot air than the “greenhouse effec”’ itself.
Look how powerful green is: a brown cow (or black and white for that matter) eats green grass and produces white milk. Amazing!
There are green tomatoes. They should not be confused with the vicious hooligans in that movie about the killer tomatoes attacking everyone. The red guys were responsible for that massacre.
Even when people lose their usefulness they can still be turned into Soylent Green. They can actually become the gifts that keeps on giving.
Now, it’s true that most of this information is of value to no one, unless you are a game show contestant (“What is the color of all things good for $1000?”). But to a sufficiently soused frog or Irishman of any species, what can you say, but…let’s all lift our glasses and toast the color GREEN!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Get St. Patrick’s Day cards and t-shirt right here.