Behold: The Egg

Eggs have gotten a very bad rap in my lifetime. Though it wasn’t always this way.
It’s common knowledge that they can’t hold their liquor very well. That’s the real reason Humpty Dumpty fell off of the wall. He’s fallen off of many things besides walls and may have been suffering from the “DTs”, as we see here he couldn’t tell a shot glass from a wall. This most recent fall was so bad he couldn’t be put back together and kinda just oozed his brain fluid out (such as it is) all over the rug.

But long before this current tragedy, eggs had been accused of murder for years. But so have Christians and Republicans. It’s all quite ludicrous, but many believe it. How many doctors down through the years have accused eggs of killing us? And at the same time they’ve recommended to us various brands of cigarettes, and for our health no less. It’s a wonder we trust these witch doctors at all. And yet we do. Just like we trust politicians that tell us that climate change is making the Muslims want to kill us? It’s quite delusional, especially when anyone that’s literate can read the Koran and it will all be clearly explained. They just have to put forth the effort to read it, that’s all. But it is easier to believe a “feeling” rather than a fact, and call the people that have read the facts nasty names. We’ve become a visceral society instead of a fact based society. That’s one reason why there’s so much talk of “being positive” and “passionate” in order to create our own reality. That’s all fine, but we could be positively wrong too. In any case, we all know now that eggs in any quantity have NEVER killed anyone. But doctors and politicians have.

As we’ve seen, the past seven years have proved you don’t need any qualification at all for some jobs. Like President of the United States, or U.S. Senator or U.S. Representative. Even if all of your brain matter has leaked out you could still run the country. You could run it into the ground and most people wouldn’t mind. As long as they have their little gizmos with all of the flashing lights to play with they positively don’t mind what our elected public servants do. You could do the craziest things like claiming how evil Republicans (their neighbors) are, and all but ignore ISIS, and many people will still think you’re cool. It really is crazy.
So when this particular egg (that was seriously drunk) survived a terrible fall, but cracked his head, he came up with a swell idea. He’d run for President! Well, why not? How much worse could it possibly be? Look, one way or the other he’s going to live off of the public. It’s either this or claiming he’s disabled because he cracked his head. He’d claim, “What could you possibly do with a cracked head anyway? Nothing!” And who would be so mean as to argue with that? I mean, just look at him, his head is really cracked.
But you could be President of the U.S.of A. You don’t need any qualification for that. No resume required, you never had to have a job. You never had to do anything. You could have smoked weed all your life or drank yourself delusional. It’s all good. And those that are critical of this are the new “bad people”.

So this is really good news for the many people we know, that we all secretly wonder “What’s really in there?” There doesn’t have to be anything in there. It’s just one of those things.

You can get the Humpty Dumpty cards, prints and gifts at Zazzle.