Frightful County Fairs

The county fair season is almost over.
People like them a lot. But I wondered if the same people come back year after year? Or do they have to bring in new clientele to survive? So after much investigation, I have uncovered unseemly secrets about “some” of these so-called “fairs”.
It’s all a trap. People came for a good time but instead find themselves terrified to death, taken as hostage, and some may not get to escape. They may never go home again. We knew we were in trouble when the greeter gave us a most unwelcome, even hostile, greeting. Who would put a bovine as a greeter anyway? (It really gives new meaning to calling someone a cow.)
It starts off fine, see all the pretty colors. This lulls the folks into a stupor and they’re unsuspecting of anything ominous about to happen.
Then they’re met with horror: Snake Women, Spider Women, and Zombies trying to kill women. While it’s true, some women can be frightening, these fairs are really just traps to catch women because clearly they don’t like them. Women are problems, everyone knows that. You shouldn’t mess with them. But at the “fair” they turn them into killing machines. It’s no wonder many women may develop lifelong problems with dysmorphophobia as well as cleithrophobia.
But the “fairs” don’t like a lot of different species.
Just around the corner we found innocent creatures strung up for sale to the best bargainer. Awful! I fully expect our governor to crack down on this abuse now that it’s exposed.
They even had a guard that catches any escapees. Then he sends them into a horrible world behind the tarp. No one wants to go behind the tarp. They try to lure you in with pie, but it’s a trap. Sometimes the guard rides high in the sky searching, searching, just like Dell Shannon (but he sang better), looking for those that have tried to flee.
They had a cow that’s sacred (some societies have taken this to an extreme, but cows really are nice so we could understand that). This cow is very unique, it’s a cow of many colors (not to be confused with the horse of many colors, he never leaves Oz and would never come to a fair). If anyone touches it, they’re caught, and either sold or turned into rabbit food. Fairs have lot’s of rabbits and they’re bored and hungry, especially the old ones. Have you noticed how some old people are like that? They like to eat a lot, especially cake. I’ve seen them have it for breakfast. I think it’s because their taste buds are shot and they need a big hit, and it’s also hard to move around too much. “Let’s see what’s in the refrigerator.” See, the refrigerator is always in sight and on their minds. And there is usually cake on top of it or inside. But I digress.
In front of the rabbit compound there was a genetically modified giant killer chicken that ensures the rabbits get lot’s of food. He’s the protector of the rabbits, and they really love him. This is in the area that’s beyond the tarp. If you’re in here and you’re not a rabbit, you’re screwed.
In any case, if I hadn’t come to the fair, I never would have learned that old people are like rabbits and fairs are sexist and cruel.
I’ll have more to say about county fairs soon in another post. Right now I’m in hiding.