The National Council of Easter Bunnies has just finished their annual conference and the reports weren’t good. Tears were shed when the statistics were read. They had lost too many members this past year and it would be difficult if not impossible to deliver the required number of eggs needed for all of the scheduled Easter
Egg Hunts. (This has never happened before, there was nothing in the constitution about it.)
And it gets worse…
How did they lose these esteemed members? Sit down, this is just awful. The very people that the Easter Bunnies have been faithfully serving all these years, delivering their cherished eggs…ate them!
Not the eggs…the Bunnies! That’s right! They ate them! Some they stewed, some they put in a casserole, some they put in a pie (A PIE?), some they baked, some they grilled, and the worst offense of all…some they skewered.
OH, HAVE MERCY!
Is this gratitude? I think not.
After they finished reading the statistics, and a sufficient number of hankies were passed out, and they all had an extra glass of whiskey, they got busy on a course of action. They put together a three phased plan. It was voted on and all agreed it was the best that they could come up with. Here it is:
THE EASTER BUNNY PLAN FOR SURVIVAL
Step One: Education is the key.
They would work harder on educating the bunny-eaters about a healthy lifestyle and how eggs (NOT BUNNIES) are a huge part of living well. Since we all know the benefits of eggs, (they had gotten a very bad rap for many years, but we now know that eggs have never killed anyone), they would convince them to eat eggs not bunnies. The recipes with eggs are endless and they are so much more versatile than bunnies. When have you ever seen a bunny fluff up a cake? Hmm? Never. See!
Step Two: They would send an affable representative to state their case and provide re-education (like the guy pictured here).
He would be friendly, good-looking, and come bearing gifts (eggs of course). Some with yolks, some with chocolate, and some with marshmallow inside. The Council is sure that the bunny-eaters will respond to reason, recipes, and expensive chocolate. But if not (and it would be unfortunate), the Council has come up with the dreaded third step as a last recourse. They did not want it to come to this. They have loved their profession since the formation of this practice, and they have loved the people that they serve, but in recent years they have been mightily provoked and are out of ideas.
Step Three: THE ATTACK OF THE KILLER EASTER BUNNIES
This is an unwanted solution, but if the execution of Easter Bunnies persists, it will be a ‘them against us’ plan for survival. The bunnies will come with their six-shooters and blow the bunny-eaters to smithereens. (Is smithereens a place? Hmm…we’ll soon find out.)
So the public service announcement put out by
The National Council of Easter Bunnies wants you to
“Cut the crap and eat eggs not bunnies, if you know what’s good for you.”
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
The National Council of Easter Bunnies wants to wish you
all a very HAPPY and HEALTHY Easter, or else.
(Wow! This PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT they put out looks like they really mean it.
They look crazy mad.)
Easter Bunny Diet t-shirts, cards (with the whole story inside), and lot’s of gifts
including cookies are available at Zazzle.
Rabbit Hunting Season t-shirts, cards (with the whole story inside), and lot’s of gifts including cookies are available at Zazzle.