Herewith a tribute to the color GREEN!
The highly beloved color of frogs, Ireland, and money. What a resume.
The well-known Irish Smokin’ Frog, Smyth, wants you to be apprised of all of the valuable attributes and benefits of this prized hue. St. Patrick’s Day is a great time to remember how the color of green has influenced our lives. (Look at him wave his little flag. “Yeah, Erin Go Bragh to you to, baby.” He’ll be drinking himself silly in about a minute.)
First of all, lets face it, people look good in green. Smyth gets lots of compliments so he knows this well. He hears, “Hey you look good in green, it really sets off your eyes.” all the time. It has been said that green improves your reading ability. Well, sure. Look at his eyes, they are huge, they don’t miss a thing. All because he is green. And his family reproduces well. Everyone knows of the fertility powers of green. It’s magical. That’s why magic beans are green. We all know how fast and tall they grow. We’ve seen the pictures.
An ancestor of Smyth was an enchanted frog. Their powers are in their skin, all enchanted frogs are green. This is common knowledge. He claimed to have known Merlin, but nobody believed him. He has a history of telling tall tales, so you have to take everything he says with a grain of salt, green or not.
Dragons are green. They can be pretty scary, especially if they have gas. They really do breath fire. A little indigestion and you could become a pile of ash if you are standing in the way. Smyth also was related to a real ‘green eyed monster’. Now they can be very nasty. They want everything they see, or they will give you the evil eye. Goblins, trolls, and gremlins tend to be green (I know; I drove one once. It was green).
Goo tends to be green, snot too, and puke. Kids love these words. They are magical. You could say puke 20 times in a row and kids will still laugh. It has great power, its green.
Lots of people these days would kill to get a green card. They want to stay here. They are aliens. There are other kinds of aliens that are known as ‘little green men’, you know, “they have saucer shaped eyes that put people uptight”…remember the song? The Great Gazoo, Marvin the Martian, and Yoda are all ‘little green men’ with great power. Smyth is sure, it’s in their skin, it’s green.
Many famous people are intimately related to green, like the Hulk, he’s very scary and big. There’s also Green Arrow, Green Lantern, Green Hornet and Swamp Thing, not to mention the Ninja Turtles. Popeye used to eat lot’s of spinach because it gave him great strength. That’s because it was green. Now on the flip side, kryptonite is green and can actually kill Superman. See, green is very powerful and should not be taken for granted.
A lot of people think they have a great power to make things grow. It is called a green thumb. Most of the time it really is just Miracle Grow, (but it comes in a green box, and the manufacturers don’t mind if you take credit). Sometimes they grow these plants in a greenhouse. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side, but generally not. Christmas trees are green as well as some of Santa’s elves. Look at their magical ability to know what we want for Christmas. It’s in the green baby.
And we all love the green, green grass of home. We all know that green tea is good for us. We love green lights. We don’t love red lights, and yellow lights are as good as green lights.
Greenland is a nice place to visit, so is Greensboro, Green Bay, and Bowling Green.
Some people think there is a ‘greenhouse effect’. But the arguments over things like this create much more hot air than the ‘greenhouse effect’ itself.
Look how powerful green is: a brown cow (or black and white for that matter) eats green grass and produces white milk. Amazing!
There are green tomatoes. They should not be confused with the vicious hooligans in ‘The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes’. The red guys were responsible for that massacre.
Even when people lose their usefulness they can still be turned in to Soylent Green. They can actually become the gift that keeps on giving.
Now, it is true that most of this information is of value to no one, unless you are a Jeopardy contestant. (What is the color of all things good for $1000, Alex.) But to a sufficiently soused frog or Irishman of any species, what can you say, but… let’s all lift our glasses and toast the color GREEN!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day.