The True Story of Chicken Little


Chicken Little wasn’t really a chicken, but he was little. He was just
a nervous little bird, which is why his friends called him chicken.
He had a lot of misfortune in his life so he tended to be a bit pessimistic. (He had some very mean friends. And they were some of the reasons he died so young.)
He was convinced that a dark cloud of doom followed him around. He’d been hit in the head a lot, with everything from acorns to hammers to airplane parts, so he had a right to be
nervous and pessimistic.

One day, while at home near Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania, he was hit in the head again, really bad. There was a huge explosion and a ton of rocks and dirt shot up into the air right in his backyard. The explosion was massive. But at the same time, Three Mile Island’s Unit 2 started to meltdown. It was shut down and it still isn’t used today. But Unit 1 was fine and continued operations. And there are no zombies running around either…yet.

America-ChinaAnyway, when the stuff that shot into the air started to come down it bombarded Chicken Little so he hid under his bed until it ended. When the dust settled he saw a huge hole in his backyard. He went closer to look at it when all of a sudden all of these Chinese soldiers started pouring out of it. We’ve all known for years that the People’s Republic of China was spying on us and attempting to make us a wholly owned subsidiary, they practically owned us (at least until Trump was elected president), but now they’ve figured out how to blast their way into Pennsylvania of all places (well it has a ton of illegal aliens already, so they thought they would blend in). They may have had help from the Russians (they’re always trying to mess things up over here, we know because the FBI and Congress told us so, and they NEVER lie).

Chicken Little thought, “Oh crap! What now!” This tunnel was bigger than the ones that the Mexicans dug into California. You could drive a of tank through it. And that’s exactly what the Chinese soldiers were doing. They drove lot’s of tanks through it.

Well this was more than Chicken Little could take. As we see here, he’s had it with Pennsylvania (and he certainly didn’t want to be ruled by the Chinese) and decided to leave…no…run like hell
to the border. 

He made his way to California and used one of the Mexican tunnels to enter Mexico. And that’s the last anyone has seen or heard of him. Well, it’s common knowledge that you can’t enter Mexico illegally. The police will arrest you and no one will ever see you again. They’re not real big on illegal immigration. They do like emigration, they like that a lot, but not illegal immigration. Kind of like the rest of the world, but not here. Only mean, hateful bigots don’t like illegal immigration in the USA, right? The Orwellians have made that very clear, so it must be true.

Anyway Chicken Little was probably made into soup a long time ago. Or maybe he was offered up in a religious sacrificial ritual.

‘The China Syndrome’ was released days before the meltdown on Three mile Island. Many people believed that when Unit 2 had it’s meltdown, it proved the premise of the movie, and they made a lot of money. Everyone began to think nuclear power is dangerous, which it’s not (at least, not anymore than any other energy source), but the Chinese Army is dangerous and so are the Mexican police, and don’t get me started on the Russians. And we don’t even know if the Chinese liked the movie or not. 

But now, when you tell your children the tale of Chicken Little you can give them the correct version. If they’re sad just tell them life doesn’t always work out as planned.

Sometimes a lot of stuff hits you in the head.

Meltdown Scream cards, posters and more gifts can be found at Zazzle.


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