Everyone has heard of Yogi Bear and Boo Boo from Jellystone Park. They were notorious thieves. No picnic basket was safe from their grip, so the official story goes.
But it’s all a cover-up.
Actually bears only go after baskets that have alcoholic beverages inside. They’re notorious drunks as well as thieves. It may be genetic although that will take more scientific research to prove. But anyone that has observed them knows it true. Some bears have claimed that beer is a nutritious drink. They must think we’re idiots. Some breeds of bears are worse than others. Look at the Panda Bears. They just have to turn at a slightly wrong angle and they tip right over. They’re plastered half the time. They can’t even fight. Did you ever see a Panda Bear try to fight? They can barely swipe another bear. They have no energy at all. It’s pathetic. Everyone wants us to believe they do nothing but sit around and eat bamboo all day long. But the truth is finally getting out thanks to the NSA listening in to foreign conversations. We know a lot more things these days then we ever did before. We know now that Panda Bears consume alcoholic beverages most of the day. Why else would they eat so much of a toxic plant ALL DAY LONG? Because they’re drunk, and everyone knows it. They only get away with this phony facade because they’re so cute. Who wants to argue with something so cute.
Some people think they’ve seen a creature they call Bigfoot. They’ve produced some odd looking pictures to prove this. But it’s really just a drunk bear. People really do love a good conspiracy tale and this one has been going on for a long time. That’s probably because a whole family of bears inherited the drinking gene.
Here I have produced my own proof of the drinking problem bears have. These bears were so soused they’ve humiliated themselves. Look at this one in the garbage can. It may be holiday time, and everyone’s in a forgiving mood, but do you really think anyone is going to invite them over again next year?
Everyone knows when bears are around you have to keep the liquor cabinet and the refrigerator locked. They’ll drink anything in sight, as long as it gets them inebriated.
One more thing to remember, don’t ever believe their claims that they’ll never do it again. Besides being notorious drunks and thieves, bears also are notorious liars. They simply have no shame. And that dreaded “morning after” never seems to deter them.