Once again we have here proof of the importance of cake.
Most people think George Orwell’s “Animal Farm” was over some mean old Capitalist that treated the animals unkind, and so they revolted. Well, that was just a cover-up. Mr. Jones was not that mean at all. He just wanted these animals to eat healthy, and he thought bread was a good diet for them. We all know how ducks grab bread right out of your hands, so he had good reason to think they liked it. Had he put forth a little more effort and studied these ducks he would have discovered how anarchistic ducks can be. They go where they want, do what they want, poop where they want, take what they want. Not only bread, if you have anything they want they’ll attack you for it.
And they’re always watching. They watch you and they watch out for each other. See this guy, he’s a guard. He has a long neck and can see everything. He’s genetically disposed to be in some kind of an overlord position. He calls in any and all unusual activity.
One day he spotted some really nice smelling cake in Mrs. Jones’ kitchen.
These ducks somehow got a hold of the chocolate cake, and any idiot could figure out what would happen after that.
I had guinea pigs once and originally fed them food pellets. One day I gave them lettuce and that was that. They instantly became lettuce connoisseurs. From that moment on all they would eat was lettuce. It was like an addiction. They would absolutely starve rather than eat the pellets. As soon as they heard the refrigerator door open they started screaming and attempted to climb up the wall of the cage, all over the love of lettuce. They didn’t even drink water anymore. It was lettuce or die.
Here’s a picture of Tallulah after eating lettuce. She was nuts!
I understand addition, but lettuce?
The ducks became exactly like that over Mrs. Jones’ cake. She was a really good baker and her chocolate cake was to die for. So we see here their planned revolt. This amazing archive discovery was buried behind a wall in the Smithsonian (it’s widely believed Nicholas Cage found it, although it’s hard to prove). But the photograph has proved what we’ve suspected all along: cake has the power to prevent war. Pie works well too, but cake really calms people down and sometimes even puts them to sleep. If it’s chocolate cake it works even better than Valium.
If Mr. Jones had known to mixed up their diet a little more, a little bread with butter (or maybe even toasted with grape jelly), a little cake, a little pie, he might still have his farm today, or at least his children would have inherited it.
And it’s common knowledge that when you put animals in charge, they run everything right into the ground, which is exactly what they did in Animal Farm.
Cake could have prevented the whole ugly mess.
If only we could get the Islamic terrorists to eat more cake, maybe they’d be less hostile to the rest of the human race.
Eat cake, calm down, live happy!