How The Infamous “Animal Farm” Revolt Got Started


Once again, we have here proof of the importance of cake.
The ducks really caused the infamous Animal Revolt and blamed the farmer. They claimed he was a mean old Capitalist that treated the animals unkind and drove them to revolt. The farmer was not that mean at all. He just wanted these animals to eat healthy, and he thought bread was a good diet for them. We all know how ducks grab bread right out of your hands, so he had good reason to think they liked it. Had he put forth a little more effort and studied these ducks he would have discovered how anarchistic ducks can be. They go where they want, do what they want, poop where they want, take what they want. Not only bread, they’ll attack you for anything. And they spread lies.

Duck-GuardOne day they smelled some really nice looking cake in Mrs. Jones’ kitchen. These ducks somehow got a hold of the chocolate cake and anyone could figure out what would happen after that. I had guinea pigs once and originally fed them food pellets. One day I  gave them lettuce and they instantly became lettuce connoisseurs. From that moment on all they would eat was lettuce. It was like an addiction. They
would absolutely starve rather than eat those pellets. As soon as they heard the refrigerator door open they would begin their screaming routine and attempt to climb up the wall of the cage, all for the love of lettuce. They didn’t even drink water anymore. It was lettuce or die. Here’s a picture of Tallulah when she heard the refrigerator door opening.
I understand addition, but lettuce?

The ducks became exactly like that over the cake. Mrs. Jones was a really good cook and her chocolate cake was to die for. So we see them here planning their revolt. This amazing archive discovery was buried behind a wall in the Smithsonian, at least that’s widely believed, although it’s hard to prove. But the photograph has proved what we’ve suspected all along; cake has the power to prevent war. Pie works well too, but cake really calms people down and sometimes even puts them to sleep. If it’s chocolate cake it works better than a sedative.

Guinea-Pig-BoogieIf the farmer had known to mix up their diet a little more, a little bread with butter (or maybe even toasted with grape jelly and peanut butter), a little cake, a little pie, he might still have his farm today, or at least his children would have inherited it. And it’s common knowledge that when animals are in charge, they run everything right into the ground, which is exactly what they did in the Animal Revolt. Cake could have prevented the whole ugly mess. If only we could get the terrorists to eat more cake, maybe they’d be less hostile to the rest of the human race and they would use less drugs too. So here’s my advice: 

Eat cake, calm down, live happy!

Duck Cake Revolt cards and prints are available at Zazzle.
Guinea Pig Boogie t-shirts, cards, and prints are available at Zazzle.

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