You’ve all heard of The Teddy Bear’s Picnic, right? You’ve all heard of the warnings, that it’s not safe to go in the woods alone, that it was better for you to stay at home. It sounds like an ominous warning. A very terrifying situation those picnics must have been to outsiders. And what kind of games do you supposed they played? What could be so terrifying? Was this some kind of secret society?
What were they, Masons, or something?
Well, some of our number took them up on their warning to go in disguise, and snoop them out. Not one of these bears were aware that there were intruders in their midst. And what the spies found was hardly a picnic with happy-go-lucky teddy bears. And this was surely a big surprise.
They found out all they needed to know about these supposedly gay bears. Why, they aren’t gay at all! And they don’t much like dancing about either, and they’re never happy with their food, they don’t think it’s all that wonderful. They actually have a lot of things on their minds.
This picnic is really the annual meeting of the Anger Management Experts. And they have lots to be angry about. They don’t like being asked questions, they don’t like interviews. They don’t like snoops. They don’t like fun and games. And they don’t like cheap chocolate. They don’t consider cheap chocolate much of a treat at all. They’re not politically correct, and couldn’t care less if you approve of them or not.
They especially think the government sucks. They’re tired of the government tagging them all the time. They don’t like their ears pierced. They’re tired of being traced. Others have a right to privacy, they don’t understand why they don’t. They’re sick and tired of the government intervening in their lives. And they’re tired of all of the political phone calls.
Now the only question on their minds is, what are they going to do about this nosy government? “They stink!” And these bears all know it. They aren’t serving them well at all.
Finally, after what seemed to be an endless debate, a voice of reason stood up and proclaimed, “We’re bears for goodness sake! We’ll just eat them!”
Well of course! How very simple. We’ll just eat them!
“What an excellent idea. And so obvious,” the rest of the A.M.E. members said in unison, “Why haven’t we thought of that before? How could this delightful, and satisfying solution have eluded us for so long?”
So with their resolution decided on unanimously, and the day of their grand Congressional Banquet set, for the first time in the whole history of the Anger Management Experts, there wasn’t one member there that was actually angry. They toasted their upcoming National Feast, ate their cheap chocolate, and for the first time in their lives, smiled at each other.
But…it wasn’t quite that simple, it never is.
A government agent informed them that it would be unlawful to actually eat an elected politician. While this information made them all very angry, and their hostility to government grew immensely, it was decided to just capture them, tag them, and set them free back into the wilds of Washington, where the most barbarous of creatures reside, and let nature take it’s course.
So their message to you is,
“Have a good day…or not…nobody really cares.”