Cheese Is Good For You!

We all know the health benefits of cheese.
You would have to have been living under a rock not to know them by now.
Surely you’ve seen the food pyramid. You know how chocolate is right at the top, that’s because it’s real good for you. And right underneath it is cheese, obviously for the same reason, it’ good for you.
The best reason to consume lot’s of cheese is, of course, it makes you lose weight. A cheese diet really drops the pounds, because it’s so low in calories, like brownies. Of course some cheese has this effect much more than others. Gruyère has practically no calories at all. And even less at night after midnight when you can’t sleep. Well of course, we all know there is no food that has calories after midnight. Calories don’t really kick in until around 6:00 in the morning. But Gruyère has a better effect than that, it actually makes you lose weight. It’s freakin’ amazing!
And the government really wants people to lose weight. Especially Michelle Obama. And we don’t want to get Michelle mad, she calls people terrible names when she’s mad, just like her husband. We want her to be proud of us. So eat lots of cheese. She might give you some kind of a citizenship medal or something like that. As long as they don’t put you in jail, or send you to the death panel you’re okay.
Next, look at the color of cheese. Isn’t it soothing? Especially the more yellow kinds. Yellow is a color that most parents want their children to relate to these days. Especially the boys. The government is doing it’s best to get all of that yucky masculinity out of our society, so we should do our part and eat more cheese. Make sure your sons take good notice of the color. Tell them it’s a great color to be.
Which brings us to the next part, the texture. Ooooo! Soft, ummm. And it goes with yellow so well. Imagine if cheese was bright red or green or black and soft. Hmmm…see, it doesn’t work as well.
Look at this little mouse, see how he loves cheese. It’s a male mouse. Now watch as the little mouse runs away at the slightest sound of noise. What a guy!
But he is healthy, happy and government approved!
Life is good!